You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I want is dick and wine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
