how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
