i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
