Say something about gay babies.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
