what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
