I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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