Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
