he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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