Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
