So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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