I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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