she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Randomize
