Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
