this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
