Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
