At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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