we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
