Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
