I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
