I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
