I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
