): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
