What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
