I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
