i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
two words: eviction party
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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