My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
