i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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