Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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