If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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