Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize