God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
