it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
