forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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