yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so let's talk penis.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize