Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
