so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
