Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
