Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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