just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
