My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
