I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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