Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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