So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
