I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
