Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
