Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
