it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
