I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
