Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
