Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
