peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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