She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
