I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
