You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
we're so committed to being not committed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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