I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
