so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
