I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
