walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
