he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
