I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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