super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
