the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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