Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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