Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
