I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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