cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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