Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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