The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
