Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize