I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
