The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
