She's JV to your varsity
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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