I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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