Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
