Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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