She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
