I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
