i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never joke about your clitoris.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
