theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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