remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
