I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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