Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
where does the pee come out of this thing
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize