I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
