The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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