ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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