i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
