She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Houston, we have a blender
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
