I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
