I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
