I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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