just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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