I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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