Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
