Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
