you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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