How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
