Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
