she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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