My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
