The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
