I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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