i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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