party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
