oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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