I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
