i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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