Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
