His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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