that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
