i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish i was in the wii world.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My vagina is officially offended.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
